Cossutta (2018) explains that mysticism relates to the ecstatic experience of union between the human and the divine. We all have something that happens to us, that we aren’t quite able to wrap our heads around. This may be in form of a dream, event, sight, or incident that may change the way we think into the future. I believe that some of these events are put forth in front of us in order to help us grow as individuals. There is some other explanation to why things turn out the way they do, and that there really is a bigger picture. Whether you believe in a God, nature, simulation theory, or any other theory that pertains to our existence. I have had my fair share of experiences, and I believe that it has been my mother looking out for me. With her passing 13 days before my 17th birthday, I have seen and been involved in more mystical events than I have had in the past.
One experience was back when I was 18/19 years old, a time after my mother’s death, I began to use drugs regularly. There is no excuse why, because I never had imagined that I would ever do them growing up. But there I was, in the midst of my addiction, doing anything possible to not remember what had happened to my mother and what happened when I was a child. One night, I had used a bunch of LSD which everybody understands as a psychedelic. Amid my tripping experience, there was a moment where I was walking to the bathroom where in that hallway, there was a full body mirror. I had seen myself in a distorted perception, which had frightened me. In that mirror, standing across from myself was the shape of a skeleton, wearing the same clothes I was wearing. This brought all my past thoughts that I was killing myself, to fruition. So, I acted on impulse, and punched the mirror where the distorted being standing across from me was standing. Of course, it cut my hand all up, and created another pain that wasn’t just in my mind. I sat on the floor and just began crying… this was the turning point of my life, as I began to work towards recovery.
Another experience that I had was in the same house as the last experience. This was my sisters house, in which I moved into after I moved back from Portland, Oregon. I was sitting out on the couch in the living with my cousin and a few friends. Just talking and going about our day. In the middle of the conversation, I just quit talking, and I had a sudden urge to stand up. It was all done in frames it felt like, one moment I was standing up, the next moment I was in the same hallway as the last experience, and then I was standing at my sisters door to her room, knocking on her door. This was all done without me controlling my body. After the third knock, I didn’t hear anything inside, and typically I wouldn’t walk into my sisters’ room without her permission. As I walked into the room, I had seen my sister laying on the ground with a rope twisted tightly around her neck, with her hand keeping it from unraveling. Blood vessels popped out of her neck and forehead, and her lips were a dark blue color. Then something came over me that I didn’t even know was possible, I unwrapped the rope, and had my sisters body laying on my lap, rubbing her chest area with my knuckles. I didn’t know what I was doing, but whatever it was, worked. By this time, my cousin is back there and I tell him to get water… I didn’t know what got me to come back there. There wasn’t anything I needed at that moment. But if I had been, even 5 seconds later, she wouldn’t have been here today. My mother was looking out for us that day.
The last experience isn’t as intense as the last two, but it was around the same time as I was in active addiction. I had been up partying for a few days straight, and after everything I had been through in the past few years, I was honestly fed up with the person I had become. I went from being a high school athlete in numerous sports, to being addicted to not feeling anything anymore. So, one day, as I was driving my Chrysler 300, that I had not treated well at all, and had wrecked numerous times. I was done with this life I lived. I was going out on an old side road, listening to some music that honestly was hitting all my feelings, way too much. I started running all my experiences through my head, and finally came to a sense of calmness. This sense of calmness made my decision to end my life seem like it was what needed to be done. I stepped on the gas pedal in my car and got to a high speed. But with the calmness that came over me, my eyes were closed. I began ripping my steering wheel back and forth until my car finally ran off the road. It went through a fence and began drifting side was up the side of this hill. At the very moment, something pulled my eyelids opened. As I opened them, I seen what was coming and had to brace myself. My car hit a old tree trunk head on at a high rate of speed sending my car through the air, rolling front to back, and side to side twice until it came to a rest on the roof, upside down. I walked away from that suicide attempt with not a single scratch. The paramedics that were treating me said that if I hadn’t braced from impact, I would have been ejected from the car. And in my mind, I thought to myself, that if whatever it was that made me open my eyes hadn’t done what it did, I wouldn’t have been walking away from that.
That last experience was the last straw. I began searching harder for a higher power, and my sobriety. If it hadn’t been for that suicide attempt failing, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I have only told three people about the truth in that “accident” with this being the fourth. So please don’t place any judgment on me, for I am no longer that person. I haven’t touched a drug since 2014, and I am more in tune with my spiritual side now, more than ever. These are only some of the profound experiences that I have been through, but there are several. These are the turning points of my mind-body-spiritual wellness, where I have turned into the man I am now. I had finally figured out that I was destined for so much more than I was apart of at that moment. And it has shown to be true.
Of course, there will always be skepticism with inexplainable experiences. Cossutta (2018) states that skepticism is a generalized doubt between truth and being. With, some ways to improve a skeptic thought process, and convince them into believing what happened is true, is through data. You can show them the science behind an anomaly that happens throughout our lives, and that there are more stories related. Of course, they are going to want to see hard evidence to convince them thoroughly. However, experiences we have, are proprietarily our own. That’s where the last example comes in, getting them to believe what happened is true. You might not be able to show them cold/hard evidence but tell them the experience in such a matter where they can believe what you are saying. It all comes with communication, where comprehension is one of the most important aspects. You must explain it to them like they are there, living it with you. Without that, they will remain skeptic about your experience.
In conclusion, what I have said in this writing is very personal. And I am beginning to understand that relaying it to other people takes a sense of weight off my shoulders. In my new way of living, I want to be able to get my testimony out there, to help other people, avoid going down the same path that I have been down. The grass really is greener on the other side. Now if a skeptic came into my life and explained to me how things like this don’t happen, I will kindly ask them to keep their opinion to themselves, because I know what happened. And it changed my life forever.
-Cyral I Callender III
References:
Cossutta, F. (2018). Mysticism and skepticism. Le philosophoire, 1(1), 43-80. https://doi.org/10.3917/phoir.049.0043
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